Lawyer Jokes

Go to the NEW jokes as of : June 26, 1998

Or visit the Legal Cartoons.

If a lawyer and a tax inspector are both drowning, and You could only save one of them,
would you go to lunch or read the paper ?


What do You call 1000 lawyers at the buttom of the sea ?

- A good start.


How do You get a lawyer out of a tree ?

- Cut the rope.


What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish ?

- One's a buttom-crawling scum sucker, and the other is a fish.


Why did the lawyer cross the road ?

- To get to the car accident on the other side.


What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

- There are skid marks in front of the dog.


Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

- Professional courtesy.


What do You have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

- Not enough sand.


What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

- An offer you can't understand.


Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

- From chasing parked ambulances.


Where can you find a good lawyer?

- In the cemetary.


What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

- A gigolo only screws one person at a time.


What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

- A vampire only sucks blood at night.


How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

- You need at least 250 just to lobby for the research grant.


If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

- It might be your bicycle.


A man goes to a brain store to get some brain for dinner.
He sees a sign remarking on the quality of proffesional brain offerred at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher:
"How much for Engineer brain?"
"3 dollars an ounce."
"How much for politician brain?"
"4 dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"100 dollars an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more expensive?"
"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?"


A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.
Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door.
The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"


A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"


A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral.
The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
"Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go bury 20 of them."


"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to her lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear woman", the lawyer replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."


The Pope and a lawyer find themselves together before the Pearly Gates.
After a small quantum of time which was spent discussing their respective professions, ol' St. Peter shows up to usher them to their new Heavenly station. After passing out wings, harps, halos and such, St. Peter decides to show them to their new lodgings.
Only a brief flight from the welcome, St. Peter brings them down on the front lawn of a huge palatial estate with all sorts of lavish trappings. This, St. Peter announces, is where the lawyer will be spending eternity. "Woouv", the Pope says to Himself, "If he's getting a place like this, I can hardly wait to see my new home".
St. Peter and the pope take flight once again, and as St. Peter leads on, the landscape below begins to appear more and more mundane until they finally land on a street lined with Brownstone houses. St. Peter indicates the third walkup on the left as the Popes new domicile and turns to leave, wishing the pontiff his best. The Pope, in a mild state of astonishment, cries out "St. Peter! What's the deal here? You put that lawyer-fellow in a beautiful estate home and I, spiritual leader of terra-firma, end up with this dive?"
St. Peter looks at the pontiff amusedly and replys: "Look here old fellow, this street is practically encrusted with spiritual leaders from many times and religions. We're putting you here with them so you guys can get your dogma together. That other guy gets an estate, because he's the first damned lawyer to ever make it up here!!"


Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him.
Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrent for that dirty lawyer of mine."
"Why ?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?"
"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."


"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background", sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.


A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendent, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendent was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited.
After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?" The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"


Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone asked.
"Not too bad", Diogenes answered. "I still have my lantern."


These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a Hot Air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are".
Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?".
And the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air".
George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer".
And Harry says "How can you tell?".
George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless".


For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?", he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."


God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all.
When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where, my friend, do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"


Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.


A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a backwoods section of Maine.
On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebee off a lawyer, agreed. Well, they had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors.
Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in large quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female.
Well, the lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast has he could, and got to the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer.
Sure enough, the two bears were still there.
"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend.
The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE.
"Whatdya do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!"
"Exactly," replied the sheriff, "and would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the Male?"


A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bootle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying that, he open the window and throw the rest of the bottle through it.
The others are quite impressed.
The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas, nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigare and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas through the window.
Again, everyone is quite impressed.
At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer through it...


A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50.
Some time later the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer:
$200 due for a consultation.


A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.
The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming "I can't sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!"
The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedrom door saying "There's a COW in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against my religion!"
The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn, as he had no problem sleeping with animals.
In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered...


How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

- Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part "Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."


A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside.

"Jack, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."

"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."


What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

- You cry when you cut up an onion.


"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.

"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?"

The minister replied "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but I said instead 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."


Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100. She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that stuck to it was a second $100 bill.

Immediately the ethical question arose in the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"


What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

- Accountants know they're boring.


Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly. The general told them, "We had a crack regiment at the most sensitive front. It was made entirely of lawyers and accountants. When the time came to charge -- boy, did they know how to charge!"


On a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning the jury began right off as an intimidating showman. Then he came to his question, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?"

Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."


A Navy Admiral (*which Navy will go unspecified*) was being courtmartialed for an incident where he was found to be chasing a young lady through the hallways of the hotel in which they were both staying. Neither of them were wearing anything. One of the charges was that of "being out of uniform."
The Admiral's lawyer argued that the officer was not out of uniform, as the regulations read:
"A Naval officer must be at all times appropriately attired for the activity in which he is engaged."


What's the difference between W.C. Fields and F. Lee Bailey?

- One's a pompous, gin-soaked clown; the other's an actor.


A bigshot city lawyer and an old country farmer got into a car wreck. They both got out of their cars to survey the damage. After looking over the lawyer in his $1,000 suit, the farmer walked back to his car, got out a bottle, and brought it back. He hands it to the lawyer, and says, "Here, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this. It'll steady your nerves."
The lawyer does. The farmer then says, "You still look a little bit pale. How about another ?"
And the lawyer takes another swallow. At the urging of the farmer, he takes another, and another, and another. Finally, the lawyer says he's feeling pretty good, and asks the farmer if he doesn't think that he ought to have a little nip, too.

"Not me", the farmer replied. "I'm waiting for the state trooper."


A guy is talking to his lawyer about his upcoming anniversary. He just doesn't know what to get his wife for a present, and asks for advice.
"How about a divorce?", The lawyer suggests.
The guy thinks a second but then shakes his head. "No, I didn't want to spend that much."


A bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man in the world that it offered $1,000 to anyone who could beat him in one task. The bartender squeezed a lemon until all the juice ran out. Anyone who could get a drop of juice out of it after the bartender was done would win the $1,000. Many strong people had tried and failed.
One day a scrawny man came into the bar wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. He squeaked, “I’d like to try the bet.”
After the laughter died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the rind to the man, who to everyone’s amazement, squeezed six drops into the glass.
Stunned, the bartender paid up, and then asked the man, “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack? A weight lifter?”

"Nope," the man replied. “I'm an attorney for the IRS.”


A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot the plane started to go down. Finally the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.
Unfortunately there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out. The lawyer then said, "I'm the smartest man in the world, I deserve to live!" He grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace".

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said "Not to worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just took off with my back pack."


What do you call an automobile accident between 2 lawyers?

A Saab story.


An attorney was painting his house, when a man approached asking if he could earn a few dollars. The attorney thought about it for a minute, and said, "Sure, take a can of this paint, go around to the back of the house, and paint my porch."
An hour later the man returned, saying he was finished. Surprised, the lawyer said, "Already?"

"Yes", the man said, "but it wasn't a Porch, it was a Mercedes !"


Lawyers for for John duPont think they have found solid grounds for an appeal of his murder conviction.
They have discovered that he still has a lot of money.


Why did the lawyer cross the road?

To sue the chicken on the other side.


Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.


As the lawyer slowly came out of the anesthesia after surgery, he said, "Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"
"There's a big fire across the street," the doctor replied.
"We didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure."


Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven bankrupt.


Did you hear about Robby Knievel's newest stunt ?

He will attempt to jump 1,000 attorneys with a bulldozer.


What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?

Lipstick.


What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?

Skeet.


A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman.
"What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."
Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"


A lawyer was asked if he like to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.


What's the difference between God and a lawyer?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.


How can you tell if your lawyer is worthless?

Ask him if he's a member of the bar.


Why do lawyers carry their certification on their dashboard?

So they can park in the handicapped parking; it's proof of a moral disability.


How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?

Because after they die, they lie still.


It was so cold last winter ...

... that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.


A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.
"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.
No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.
"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.

"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."


A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?"


A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem.
Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"


A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?"
The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?"
"$7.98."
A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read:

Legal Consultation Service: $150


A man went into the Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate. He asked the man at the counter, "Is there a criminal attorney in town?"

"Yes - but we can't prove it yet."


An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Again, the last question was, "How much is two plus two?" Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and again the final question was, "How much is two plus two?" The lawyer drew all the shades in the room, looked outside to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and then whispered, "How much do you want it to be?"


Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer? You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.


A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?" repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client again.
"Madam, do you understand what I'm saying?" said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is dead."
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."


You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.


A man and an alligator walked into a bar. "Do you serve lawyers here?", the man asked.
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."


Nobody ever laughs at lawyer jokes. The lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes!



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Last Updated: June 26, 1998