Blonde Jokes

Go to the NEW jokes as of : June 7th, 1998

What did the blonde call her Zebra ?

- Spots.


Did You hear about the blonde that robbed a bank ?

- She tied up the safe and blew the guard.


Why do blondes hate M&Ms ?

- They're too hard to peel.


A painting contractor was discussing a job with a woman. In the first room she said she'd like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down, went over to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up." In the second room, the woman told the contractor she'd like a soft yellow. He wrote this down, went over to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up." In the third room, the woman asked for a warm rose color. The man wrote this down, went over to the window, opened it and yelled, "Green side up." The woman then asked him, "why do You keep yelling 'green side up'?". "I'm sorry", came the reply, "But I have a crew of blondes laying turf on the other side of the street."


Why were blondes made 10 percent smarter than cows ?

- So when You squeeze their tits, they don't shit on Your face.


What's black, blue, red and brown ?

- A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.


A blonde was tired of hearing how stupid blondes were, so one day she decided to change that image. She studied for weeks, and weeks memorizing all the capitals for all the states in America. Then when she felt she was ready, she went to a bar. And when one guy started telling a blonde joke, she interupted him and said, "Hey not all blondes are stupid. I can proove it. Give me the name of a state and I can tell You it's capital."
"Vermont", someone suggested.
The blonde thought for a while, then said, "V".


How do You get a blonde to marry You ?

- Tell her she's pregnant.

Then what will she ask ?

- Is it mine.


What do You give a blonde who has everything ?

- Penicillin.


Why do blondes wear panties ?

- To keep their ankles warm.


What's the difference between a blond and a brick ?

- when You lay a brick, it doesn't follow You around for two weeks, whining


How does a blonde commit suicide ?

- She gathers all her clothes into a pile, and jumps off.


Why can't blondes make icecubes ?

- they forget the recipe


What does a postcard from a blonde on holiday say ?

- I'm having a wonderful time, where am I.


What do You get when You offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts ?

- Change


Why are there no dumb brunettes ?

- Peroxide.


A cop stops a blonde who's driving down a motorway.
"Miss, may I see Your drivers licence, please ?"
"What's a drivers licence ?"
"It's a little card with Your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here it is."
"May I see Your Car insurance, please ?"
"What's that ?"
"It's a document that says You may drive this car."
"Oh, duh! Here it is."
The cop then unzips his pants and the blonde goes, "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test."


Three blondes were attempting to change a lightbulb and one decides to call 911.
Blonde : We need help, we're three blondes trying to change a lightbulb.
Operator : Hmm, You've put in a fresh bulb ?
Blonde : Yes.
Operator : The power in the house is on ?
Blonde : Of course.
Operator : And the switch is on ?
Blonde : Yes, Yes.
Operator : And the bulb still wont light up ?
Blonde : No, the bulb is working fine.
Operator : Then what's the problem ?
Blonde : We got dizzy spinning tha ladder around, and we fell and hurt ourselves.



What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

- Gifted!


How do blonde braincells die?

- Alone.


What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

- Artificial intelligence.


Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

- You can park in the handicap zone.


What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?

- An IN-body experience!


How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

- There's white-out on the screen.


How did the blonde die ice fishing?

- She was run over by the zambonis machine.


What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?

- An interpreter.


How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?

- Fertilized.


How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?

- She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.


Why do blondes take the pill?

- So they know what day of the week it is.


If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?

- The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.


What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

- Bigfoot has been spotted.


What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?

- They're both empty from the neck up.


What's the blonde's cheer?

- "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."


How does a blonde kill a fish?

- She drowns it.


Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

- Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.


What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?

- You can negotiate with a terrorist.


What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?

- A Space Invader.


Why are blondes hurt by people's words?

- Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.


What did the blonde say to the physicist?

- "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"


What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?

- Last year's hide and seek champ.


What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?

- The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.


Did you hear about the blonde who was found frozen to death in her car at a drive-in movie theater?

- She went to see "Closed for the Winter".


What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?

- A visitor.


A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home. On her way home the she drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she had driven eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.


A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette suddenly says, "Ohhh, look at the dead bird."
The blonde stops, looks up, and asks, "Where?"


There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainlandand estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.


Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde
looks and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing,
and ten minutes later they were both killed by a train.


Why are there so many blonde jokes ?

- It gives brunettes something to do in the weekends.


A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".
After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around and drove home.


On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.


This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"


A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun

- They just don't remember who with.


Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?

- It's too hard to re-train them.


What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

- Don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.


How do you confuse a blonde?

- You don't. They're born that way.


Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

- From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".


Why won't the pharmacies hire a blonde pharmacist?

- They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.


A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

- "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."


What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

- She moved.


Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
"Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."


What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?

- Rebel without a clue.



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Last Updated: Monday, June 3rd, 1996